2012
2012
FELTON’S FLOW
I muse ... about everything. Follow my flow.
Yay!
Since deciding to insert my point of view into the “blogosphere,” I have wondered what should this first one be about.
Well, after several weeks of indecisiveness, the issue took care of itself yesterday when I was introduced to a young African American woman, and I said something like “Nice to meet you, Ma’am.” She took issue with the “Ma’am” and laughing let me know that she didn’t like being called “Ma’am.” She said something about not being that “old,” and certainly not anywhere near my age.
I can go for that; I apologized and let her know that I had been raised to address all persons that I don’t know by adding “Ma’am” and/or “Sir” at the end of greeting them so that they would know I respect them. She appreciated my explanation because she too had been raised to speak the same way; she gave me permission to call her by her given name.
She asked if I was from the South because she recognized the upbringing as being “southern” in nature. I shared with her that I had been born and raised in the Chicago area, albeit by my grandmother who had migrated from the South in 1919 - I believe - fleeing violence. My mother was one of seven children she took out of there with her; my grandfather had died a year or two before her move. Well, she raised me - my mother was involved in working for the WWII effort - as I hear she raised her children. She often quoted the biblical verse “Spare the rod and spoil the child” as she whipped me in order to enforce her way into my body and mind. It follows that the first word of respect I learned was “Ma’am” if I wanted to neutralize the painful corrections she liberally bestowed. All older women were to be called “Ma’am” without exception.
She lived with us until I was 13 years old, by then she had many opportunities – which she rarely missed – to set me on what she called “the straight and narrow.” I learned but resented every teaching stroke. I enlisted in the Marines, and BAM! there I was confronted with having to say “sir” to every non-boot marine I encountered. No problem. I already was accustomed to voicing that epithet to any and all men, family or not. Boot Camp, while difficult, didn’t present an insurmountable obstacle for me as it did for some of my fellow recruits who had not been forcibly instructed as to the advantages of addressing all other men by the Sir-Word. Many of them thought that it showed weakness, fear or inferiority; I thought of it as a way to avoid corporal punishment. After a while, they learned what my grandmother - who I believe was a Drill Instructor trainer - seared into my way of being...
To make a long story short, my grandmother’s lesson regarding respect and courtesy, have stood me in good stead over the years, although I confess that there were times when I found it necessary to set it aside in order to deal with situations that I believed were potentially life-threatening in some way or another. I spent a few years as a teacher and was able to share with my students (mostly African-American and Latino teenagers and young adults) the wisdom that my grandmother imparted - minus the rod and the strokes. One of my students later told me that he and a friend had been able to defuse a potentially dangerous encounter with the police by addressing them as “Sir” throughout the stop. I was happy to hear that and found myself thanking my grandmother for the hard lessons she regaled me with. I now use the words “Ma’am” and “Sir” to address all persons I speak with - not all the time - before we become acquainted and sometimes even after that. Why? Probably to assure them that I have respect for who they are or represent.
RELATED THOUGHT: “Ma’am” according to the Oxford English Dictionary seems to be a “colloquial shortening of MADAM” according to the Oxford English Dictionary which is a word that was taught to the servants as a “term of respect” when speaking to a “lady of high rank.”
THANKS FOR READING THIS. I have much more to share on this blog which is really about language. If you would like to share your thoughts, please post. Just use your email address, Facebook, Twitter or other social media account to join in.
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My First Blog
August 3, 2012
”Nice to meet you ‘Ma’am’?”